So sayeth Ashleymadison.com, the website where anonymous marrieds go to have affairs.

The Ashley Madison Agency is unlike other online dating services which deal mostly with singles (and people who claim to be single).  The company has no qualms about their morally-dubious mission which is to find flings for people who want to cheat on their spouses and partners.

From the Los Angeles Times:

The majority of the men [using the service], who tend to be in their late 30s to early 40s, are married. The women, who skew a bit younger, fall into three categories: the suburban housewife “who is seeking validation of her desirability”; the “quintessential mistress” who is not interested in a family life but wants things like trips and dinners out; and women who’ve been married only a short time and suddenly wonder what they got themselves into.

The agency claims that their Ashleymadison.com doesn’t promote infidelity, and yet one of their built-in features is a “panic button” located on every page. 

From Product Reviews By Me:

In the event your unknowing spouse comes in the room while you’re surfing the site, or you are searching while at work, the panic button will take you immediately to Google.com.

From Ashley Madison’s FAQ:

Having an affair is a risky proposition. There are many obstacles to over come and you always face the risk of getting caught.

It’s probably a good idea to seek relationship counseling and work out your marital problems before you attempt an affair. Getting caught can bring on many undesired repercussions and will probably result in ongoing mis-trust between you and your partner or divorce.

Fortunately for you cheaters (read: asswipes) who are too selfish/immature to be honest with your partners, Ashleymadison.com is here to help you get away with your affairs so you don’t have to deal with the unsavory consequences of a devastated spouse and a broken family.

I’m not married, but I am a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. Not the “Marriage = one (breadwinning) man + one (submissive) woman” Fundamentalist Christian crap, but the romantic ideal of two people, straight or gay, who love each other and who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together.

I don’t think that marriage is for everyone, and I do believe that there are couples who can sidestep conventional practices and still commit fully to each other, as long as they are honest about their emotional needs and expectations. I have no desire to force my personal beliefs on the general populace because the only person who needs to conform to those expectations is my significant other.

That being said, I am truly appalled by the Ashley Madison Agency service, not because it promotes extramarital affairs, but because it promotes SECRET extramarital affairs.  If a married couple decides to swing or if one partner says, “sure honey, sex it up with anonymous strangers on the Internet, your penis has my blessing”, that’s one thing.  But cheating in a relationship that was established as monogamous without your partner’s knowledge is really, really not okay.

Affairs are far more destructive to the sanctity of marriage than the so-called “gay agenda” fundamentalists are always whining about.  If there are problems in your relationship, talk to your partner, see a counselor, or get a divorce, but don’t be a lying, cheating, asshole.  Your partner deserves at least that much.

On YouTube:

In their most recent commercial, Ashley Madison has managed to combine two things I dislike… infidelity and Avatar.